March 29, 2013
My cat, Glenwood, has begun his own journal today. He's already written the PREFACE.
But this is his first entry.
What got him started was someone came into the bookshop and insulted him, saying,
"Doesn't that cat do anything but sleep!?" Glenwood got his dire up.
CAT’S JOURNAL: March 29, 2013
It’s Good Friday. “Christ on the Cross” kind of thing. You’d never find a cat doing that. Anyway, it’s Friday. Friday’s begin with the usual human insanity, huge garbage trucks plowing up and down the Avenue (here it’s called Glenwood Avenue, the spinal tunnel for the neighborhood’s vehicles). Inhibiting to say the least. There’s only two things worse than a garbage truck: (1) the # 2 Bus that runs by the bookshop every half hour (ugh!); (2) fire engines (ugh, ugh).
There was a fire here the other night. You probably don’t know it. Because you were asleep. Ahem! But was I? No. Had to put up with all that racket.
Buildings they’re building on Lee Street burned down. Probably set on fire by a disgruntled neighbor. Wouldn’t find a cat doing that–this phrase will probably come up a lot in this journal, let’s create an acronym, WFACDT. You humans are far out.
“Issue is” (I’ve been hanging around The Occupy Movement too long, I’ve begun to talk like those nuts) –anyway, the issue is the (ugh) university here, Un-Goo I call it [U.N.C.–G.]. Un-Goo has barreled into my neighborhood, Glenwood, and is starting their tenancy by tearing down all the buildings and trees and putting up new buildings, a police station, what they call a Park [more about that later] and a recreation center for the intellectual students to rest their weary minds, some 50,000 sq. ft. and thousands of cars.
Of course they do this against the community’s wishes–TYWFACDT–so there’s a lot of anger. I mean a lot. Wouldn’t surprise me if some angry neighbor just burnt the place down!
Newspaper says the fire may be arson and is being investigated by just about every local, state, and federal bureaucracy there is. Un-Goo’s own police are said to be investigating. Wouldn’t surprise me if they’re the ones who set it.
You see, I have to go outdoors from time to time, to keep things neat and, well, cohesive. You wouldn’t understand. Which is why, of course, I have to write this journal for you all.
I have to go outside, but then come these mammoth garbage trucks, it being Friday, Good or Not. And buses. And firemen tootin’ their sirens. Makes my fur stand on end. Yes, I’m fearless–and smart, too–but I ain’t no match for trucks and engines and buses that big! Scary, let me tell you.
And right next door, a German Shepherd. Without a leash. Illegal that is. Until he gets run over, I have to keep a lookout for him. But there’s always a (ugh) Dog. You know that? You, too? Always a dog in the way?
But us cats are used to dogs by now. Humans and dogs. The enemies of cats. Oh, I know, you
S e n t i m e n t a l i s t s think we cats love you, and you love us, etc. etc. etc. Yeah, and ten cents will get you a glass of milk these days. It’s like gardens. Yes, gardens. Gardeners are the enemies of gardens. Librarians are the enemies of books. And humans are the enemies of cats. The gardener, in his effort to help the garden, carries germs and disease everywhere, sprays water which causes black spot and mildew. The librarian rubber stamps the books, marks them up, sometimes punches them with punches, glues things all over them, writes in them, you name it. They hate books. Same with humans and cats. They want to help us, so they mess everything up. Just keep the kibbles flowin’, buster. That’s the only help I need. Thank you very much. To my mind, helpfulness is the sunny side of control, with you humans. WFACDT. All together, now, YWFACDT.
Well, enough lecturing. I’m not being paid enough to set you all right. Couldn’t pay me enough. That would be a fulltime job and a half. I’ve got enough to do. Have to sleep all day, yeah, right!
Let me tell you. When morning comes, I’m worn out. And if I take a brief nap, it’s only my due. While you guys are snoring away, there’s work to be done, man. You just don’t know!