CAT’S JOURNAL: April 22, 2013
Cats are said not to talk, in other words, we don’t speak English. Americans don’t believe Chinese “talk” either, unless they’re talking English. American travelers brag that, “Everywhere we go, everyone talks English!” Right this minute, there are a million Chinese students learning English. (And around 10,000 Americans learning Chinese.) Well, they say, “Ignorance is Bliss.” I hope so, for all your sakes. You deny “the climate crisis,” and how long before the Chinese rule the roost?
Sure I can talk. What kind of idiot question is that? I speak Cat, and, you might want to know, I can talk nglish, too. If I wanted to, that is. But I don’t want to. I’m not Chinese. I don’t want to conquer the Planet, I feel we cats have already conquered the planet enough. We’ll be here long after you’ve drowned yourselves with the water from the Greenland Glaciers.
Anyway, if you could hear Al talk, you’d be embarrassed. “Glenwood,” he talks, “this morning we’re going to the supermarket, Glenwood. Yes, this morning, we’re going to buy kitty some food. Yummy. Cat food, Glenwood. Good, huh?”
That’s the idiot way he talks to me. I say, “That’s just fine, Alan. You run along now. I’ve got work to do. Don’t forget your glasses. Don’t forget to put on a jacket, it’s quite cold out this morning. Don’t forget your wallet. Don’t forget your “food stamps” card. Better take some cash, too, because you need Kleenex, and they don’t allow that on the Food Stamps. And take some quarters for the Laundromat. Their change machine was broken last time you went.” On and on. Between you and me, I think we’re looking at early onset of Alzheimer’s. We need a new stronger word for “forget, when it comes to him. You know he’s going to be 77 in 30 days, right? Look for more “Senior Moments,” is what I say.